Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
FOUR CATS
The Four Cats !
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third
man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty
smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He
divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed
that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said
"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10
ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a
drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can
your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said.....
"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet...........
ate the cookies...............
drank the milk..............
sh*t on the paper....................
screwed the other three cats.....................
claimed he injured his back while doing so..................
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........
put in for Workers Compensation...............and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............!!!!!!!!!!
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third
man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty
smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He
divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed
that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said
"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10
ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a
drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can
your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said.....
"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet...........
ate the cookies...............
drank the milk..............
sh*t on the paper....................
screwed the other three cats.....................
claimed he injured his back while doing so..................
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........
put in for Workers Compensation...............and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............!!!!!!!!!!
Judgement
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.
The next day the man went before the judge.
The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
The judge then said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, judge when will I get out?"
The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."
The next day the man went before the judge.
The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
The judge then said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, judge when will I get out?"
The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."
Inheritance!
A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his, drinking by himself. Approaching his friend, he commented, "You look awful. What's wrong?"
"My mother died in May and left me 25,00,000," the friend answered.
"Boy, that's tough," the man replied.
Continuing, the friend said, "Then in June, my dad died leaving me 50,00,000."
"Gosh, both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed," said the man.
"Last month my aunt died and left me 10,00,000," the friend added.
"That's a lot to deal with. Losing three close family members in three months, is terrible!" replied the man.
"Then this month," continued the friend, "nothing! Not even a single rupee!"
"My mother died in May and left me 25,00,000," the friend answered.
"Boy, that's tough," the man replied.
Continuing, the friend said, "Then in June, my dad died leaving me 50,00,000."
"Gosh, both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed," said the man.
"Last month my aunt died and left me 10,00,000," the friend added.
"That's a lot to deal with. Losing three close family members in three months, is terrible!" replied the man.
"Then this month," continued the friend, "nothing! Not even a single rupee!"
Finding Jesus!
A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."
The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.
Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands,
"For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."
The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.
Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands,
"For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Secret of long life
Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park when a reporter approached them.
"I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life," the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed.
The first old man was asked his secret to his long life.
"I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years."
"Wow, that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man.
"I`m 93," said the man.
The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.
"I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some."
"And how old are you?" asked the reporter.
"I`m 91," said the old man.
Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.
"I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day."
"Wow!" said the reporter. "And how old are you?"
"29," replied the man.
"I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life," the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed.
The first old man was asked his secret to his long life.
"I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years."
"Wow, that`s really remarkable!" said the reporter. "And how old are you?" he asked the first old man.
"I`m 93," said the man.
The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.
"I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some."
"And how old are you?" asked the reporter.
"I`m 91," said the old man.
Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.
"I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day."
"Wow!" said the reporter. "And how old are you?"
"29," replied the man.
Newly issued alcohol warnings
The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
Indian politician
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner,the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him.
When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him.
When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!
Say Cheese
Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
"He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner.
The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.
"He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.
To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."
"He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner.
The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.
"He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.
To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."
The Career Choice
An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son has no career plans, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid,pretending they were not at home.
The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him.
Then, he took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"
They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid,pretending they were not at home.
The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him.
Then, he took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"
The Ladies Man
"I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" the friend asks.
"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"
"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" the friend asks.
"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"
Smartest Salesman
Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"
he is there
yesterday night. madam spoke to my father and he told that he is going to screw up the sir and other things. i am very clear that i should clear all the debit with sir and i should cut it there. madan clearly told to my father that he want to cut the sir by now then we will deal all the things.
he want to clear then we will target them so as to safe me. i am clear that GuruDheva should help me and he should give me the power and courage to face the sir and to cut him. i dont want anu in my life and he should help me to clear all things in one shot to go with it. i am planning to give a clear debit in this matter.otherwise i cant go ahead with this.
after that he said he will counter all the others in this matter. GuruDheva should help me and my parents and madan should not leave me in trouble they should help me to solve all. I am praying to GuruDHeva that chelli should not leave vanitha and she should not get any problem. he should be very safe and no one from her family should disturb her. Everything is there in his hands only.
i should clear all my debits and i should come up in life. i am planning to apply for closed PF from oracle as well as tech mahindra and i should get the money to be transferred to my account and i should pay all my most debits. he should guide me to do so. i am planning to invest again in stock market and this time i am going to hear his words only and we should clear all the things within 2-3 months.
By his grace and blessing i should clear all the things and i should buy a home,car and i should visit to Rishikesh to get the glimpse of my GuruDHeva in my life. i know that he will do all the things he has given me all and he is teaching all the facts about the good and wrong in my life. i am learing day by day and he is making my mind in a set of saint so i can with stand all and i will come up in life.
with his blessing i will take my parents in world tour with him. he will guide me all the things in his right way and he will not leave me alone. He will be there in such way that he will solve all the problems and he will do the things so. till now why i am living is only of GuruDheva only. He is supporting me to do so.
he want to clear then we will target them so as to safe me. i am clear that GuruDheva should help me and he should give me the power and courage to face the sir and to cut him. i dont want anu in my life and he should help me to clear all things in one shot to go with it. i am planning to give a clear debit in this matter.otherwise i cant go ahead with this.
after that he said he will counter all the others in this matter. GuruDheva should help me and my parents and madan should not leave me in trouble they should help me to solve all. I am praying to GuruDHeva that chelli should not leave vanitha and she should not get any problem. he should be very safe and no one from her family should disturb her. Everything is there in his hands only.
i should clear all my debits and i should come up in life. i am planning to apply for closed PF from oracle as well as tech mahindra and i should get the money to be transferred to my account and i should pay all my most debits. he should guide me to do so. i am planning to invest again in stock market and this time i am going to hear his words only and we should clear all the things within 2-3 months.
By his grace and blessing i should clear all the things and i should buy a home,car and i should visit to Rishikesh to get the glimpse of my GuruDHeva in my life. i know that he will do all the things he has given me all and he is teaching all the facts about the good and wrong in my life. i am learing day by day and he is making my mind in a set of saint so i can with stand all and i will come up in life.
with his blessing i will take my parents in world tour with him. he will guide me all the things in his right way and he will not leave me alone. He will be there in such way that he will solve all the problems and he will do the things so. till now why i am living is only of GuruDheva only. He is supporting me to do so.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Don't laugh!
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
Don't laugh!
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 25th step he would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 150th step, so she could not enter heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 350th step, so she could not enter heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
The grip!
One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room.
"Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde.
"Sure," said the other blonde.
"Well, hold on tight. I`m taking away the ladder."
"Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde.
"Sure," said the other blonde.
"Well, hold on tight. I`m taking away the ladder."
Air Freshener !!
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a `blonde lady` driver.
"Mam, is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"?
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma`am... that`s your air freshener."
"Mam, is there a reason that you`re weaving all over the road"?
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you`re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma`am... that`s your air freshener."
Watch dogs
A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Why did you give them names like that?"
The blonde responded, "What else would you name watch dogs?"
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Why did you give them names like that?"
The blonde responded, "What else would you name watch dogs?"
Police officer
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer, "May I see your licence?
Lady, "What does it look like?"
Officer, "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Officer, "May I see your licence?
Lady, "What does it look like?"
Officer, "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Driving License
A blonde was speeding in a 30 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for her driving license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde frantically searched her purse again and found a small rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all this hassle."
joke
Explanation!
Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.
When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning.
"Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded.
Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.
"I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn't receive your telegram!"
Fastest Worker
Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.
When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning.
"Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded.
Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.
"I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn't receive your telegram!"
Fastest Worker
Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
Safe cracker
The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?"
The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!"
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?"
The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!"
Painter Sardar
Dr. Maneesh Sinha, a psychotherapist, has employeed a sardar painter to paint his name plate. He instructed the sardar to give ample space between the words, and left for his clinic.
On his return in the evening, he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. It
read,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Dr. Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist"
On his return in the evening, he was astonished at the sight of the name plate that was hung to his gate. It
read,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Dr. Maneesh Sinha Psycho the rapist"
Kanjoos Sardar
Newly married sardar to another newly married sardar "I am so kunjoos that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money".
Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money, I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend"
Other sardar said "You are nothing I saved my full money, I sent my wife for honeymoon with my friend"
Confused Sardar
A policeman pulled the Sardarji over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Sardar : No, but wherever it is, it must be bad cause all the people were leaving.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Sardar : No, but wherever it is, it must be bad cause all the people were leaving.
Urine test !
Banta had been in the hospital for days. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more.
One day during breakfast, he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill.
The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass.
In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today."
Banta put on his angry face, snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time."
One day during breakfast, he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill.
The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass.
In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today."
Banta put on his angry face, snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time."
Speeding!!!
Banta was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Maruti, if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory.
His friend said, "Sure."
So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend, "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down."
With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. Banta was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing
the Honda.
A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph.
He called into headquarters on his radio, "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22, and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"
His friend said, "Sure."
So Banta tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend, "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down."
With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 kmph. Banta was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Honda came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Maruti forgot all about Banta and his bicycle and took to drag racing
the Honda.
A little further down the road sat Officer Santa in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 100 kmph.
He called into headquarters on his radio, "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Honda and a Maruti racing out here on Highway 22, and there's a guy on a cycle ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"
Toilet brush!
Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."
Sardar's Planting..
Sardar's Planting Trees
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us.
I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off, because he is ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get
the day off!
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us.
I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off, because he is ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get
the day off!
Sardar wins 20 Crore from..
Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Dealer gave 11 Crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crores or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Sardar r real ly innocent
Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what had happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked", his wife said "then y did not u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked", his wife said "then y did not u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".
some more Our Banta
Three men discussing wives.
1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.
Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.
-------------------------------------------
Santa & Banta - Dumb & Dumber
Santa & Banta doing what they do best!
-----------------------------------------------
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
----------------------------------------------------------
Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sardars entry in the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3.
Sardarji to son: You fool, if you would have ran behind an auto, you could have saved Rs 30!!!.
1st says my wife is very cold. 2nd says mine is very hot.
Santa: I'm confused. I think shes is cold but people say she's hot.
-------------------------------------------
Santa & Banta - Dumb & Dumber
Santa & Banta doing what they do best!
-----------------------------------------------
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
----------------------------------------------------------
Two days of power cuts in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sardars entry in the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son to sardarji: Today I ran behind the bus and saved Rs 3.
Sardarji to son: You fool, if you would have ran behind an auto, you could have saved Rs 30!!!.
Our Banta Singh
Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster
at a Police station: Two White
men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!!
Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.
Santa: Wanna try it?
Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it.
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster
at a Police station: Two White
men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs!!
Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping.
Santa: Wanna try it?
Banta: No way. I was born because of broken rubber & I don't wanna die because of it.
sardarji joke 3
The Suicide Bomber
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His
leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest!
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His
leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest!
sardarji joke
sardar j i in a quiz contest ...
Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest ->
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
3) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up.
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:
#1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The October revolution is celebrated in November
3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies
now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again
Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest ->
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
3) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
4) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT #Sardar gives up.
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:
#1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The October revolution is celebrated in November
3) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
4) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies
now tell me who's the dumb one.Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again
sardarji joke 1
Painful pinch!
As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was
delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will
teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."
As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was
delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will
teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."
are u looking for some online marketing materials?
hi are you looking for some online materials?
then visit http://internetmarketingezines.blogspot.com/
i went through this blog and i am posting for you.
then visit http://internetmarketingezines.blogspot.com/
i went through this blog and i am posting for you.
are u looking for some online marketing materials?
hi are you looking for some online materials?
then visit http://internetmarketingezines.blogspot.com/
i went through this blog and i am posting for you.
then visit http://internetmarketingezines.blogspot.com/
i went through this blog and i am posting for you.
yesterday night
Yesterday night i was speaking to madan. i was telling him about the zen saint. he was asking who is zen saint and i told him that like our saints they are from buddihsam.
he told me about the ramanar who lived in thiruvannamalai. i went to his place while i was studying in diploma and i liked him very much. he told me that he has written one book asking who you are.
i am asking you the same thing who you are? what you will say . my name is so and so.
but you have given name to the body. but who you are? you will say legs,eyes and all parts of the body. but it is parts of your body but who you are ?
can you tell me. the same question again arised me to think. he told me that he will give one book written by him just read and reliase that one. so i am planning to read that book.
he told me about the ramanar who lived in thiruvannamalai. i went to his place while i was studying in diploma and i liked him very much. he told me that he has written one book asking who you are.
i am asking you the same thing who you are? what you will say . my name is so and so.
but you have given name to the body. but who you are? you will say legs,eyes and all parts of the body. but it is parts of your body but who you are ?
can you tell me. the same question again arised me to think. he told me that he will give one book written by him just read and reliase that one. so i am planning to read that book.
today i am going to post some sardarji jokes
hi i got some sardarji jokes from net and i am posting for you.
Those who are Singhs and sardarji's please pardon me and i am not intented to hurt your feeling. i am just posting what i got.
Those who are Singhs and sardarji's please pardon me and i am not intented to hurt your feeling. i am just posting what i got.
today i am going to post some sardarji jokes
hi i got some sardarji jokes from net and i am posting for you.
Those who are Singhs and sardarji's please pardon me and i am not intented to hurt your feeling. i am just posting what i got.
Those who are Singhs and sardarji's please pardon me and i am not intented to hurt your feeling. i am just posting what i got.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Cleaner For You
hi i went to this website and i read this one.
Cleaner For You
Many a times people have asked me on how to erase their browsing history, temporary internet files etc with just a click so that it is not available to people who use that PC again.
It is quite usual for adults to visit sites which of course they would not want their children to visit. But unfortunately many still dont know how to remove the visible traces that are left on their PC after such visits.
For them and for all others who want optimum usage of their PC, I would recommend the most useful utility the CCCleaner
It's very effective as it frees up disk space by cleaning up unused as well as temporary files, cookies, recycle bin, Windows hot-fix files, old prefetch data, history and cache files in many applications such as Internet Explorer, firefox , opera and many others. It also checks the Windows Registry for invalid entries and cleans them too.
While installing CCcleaner I would recoommend to uncheck the Yahoo tool bar option if you dont want the toolbar to be installed, personally speaking, I dont like yahoo toolbar, it sometimes creates problems with the browsers especially If you are using old IE versions.
After installation ,when you first run it you can find the cleaner icon on the left hand side. Click on it and on the right side under the windows tab as well as the applications tab select all the options and click the run cleaner button.
you can also clean your registry of invalid entries by clicking on the Registry icon on the left side and selecting all the options on the right window and then running the cleaner.
So browse happily wherever you want to and before shutting down the PC just run the CCcleaner and have peace of mind for rest of the day.
Download CCCleaner
http://www.filehippo.com/download_ccleaner/
Cleaner For You
Many a times people have asked me on how to erase their browsing history, temporary internet files etc with just a click so that it is not available to people who use that PC again.
It is quite usual for adults to visit sites which of course they would not want their children to visit. But unfortunately many still dont know how to remove the visible traces that are left on their PC after such visits.
For them and for all others who want optimum usage of their PC, I would recommend the most useful utility the CCCleaner
It's very effective as it frees up disk space by cleaning up unused as well as temporary files, cookies, recycle bin, Windows hot-fix files, old prefetch data, history and cache files in many applications such as Internet Explorer, firefox , opera and many others. It also checks the Windows Registry for invalid entries and cleans them too.
While installing CCcleaner I would recoommend to uncheck the Yahoo tool bar option if you dont want the toolbar to be installed, personally speaking, I dont like yahoo toolbar, it sometimes creates problems with the browsers especially If you are using old IE versions.
After installation ,when you first run it you can find the cleaner icon on the left hand side. Click on it and on the right side under the windows tab as well as the applications tab select all the options and click the run cleaner button.
you can also clean your registry of invalid entries by clicking on the Registry icon on the left side and selecting all the options on the right window and then running the cleaner.
So browse happily wherever you want to and before shutting down the PC just run the CCcleaner and have peace of mind for rest of the day.
Download CCCleaner
http://www.filehippo.com/download_ccleaner/
Comparison of Popular Torrent Clients
i have read the Comparison of Popular Torrent Clients in www.techtree.com
this is for you i hope it will be useful for you also.
http://www.techtree.com/India/Reviews/Comparison_of_Popular_Torrent_Clients/551-74105-609-1.html
In June 1999, a program called Napster was released and it completely revolutionized the internet usage. Napster was the first widely used peer-to-peer (P2P) music sharing service. It enabled the user to share and download audio files directly from other users; with the help synchronization provided by the server. But, it led to massive copyright violations and accusations by the music industry. Soon, Napster was forced to shut down the free service and then later resurrected as a paid model service.
But, Napster laid the foundation for many free file sharing applications such as iMesh, Kazaa, Morpheus, and many more. All these applications took a step further and provided the option of sharing any kind of files such as videos, executables, zips, etc. But, most P2P network technologies had limitations such as download speed, availability, and authenticity of the file.
The moment you start the P2P client, the client indexes the shared files list and sends it to the central server, which is stored as long as the user is connected to it. This indexed file list is used to find information about the availability of the file. Suppose, computer A has a shared file called ABC , this file information will be sent to the server. Now, traditionally when a user will search a particular file, the file name is passed on to the centralized server, which will search the entire indexed files list on the server. Consider, the user who wants to get access to the file ABC is computer B . The server then sends a list back to the computer B containing the information of the user who has the files, which in this case is computer 'A'.
Now, the user can start downloading the file from computer 'A'. This method works perfectly until other user, namely C, starts downloading the file at the same time. Since only computer 'A' has the complete file, computer 'C' will also start downloading from computer 'A' that consequently splits the upload speed of computer 'A' into two parts, which in turn reduces the download speed of computer 'B' and 'C'.
Now, for some reason computer 'A' logs off from the network, with computer 'B' and 'C' having downloaded half way. Only the availability of computer 'A' will allow them to resume their download.
Another problem was the reliability and authenticity of the file. Any user can rename a file and format it to something else, and end up downloading something unwanted. All these problems were foreseen by a skilled programmer "Bram Cohen".
In the summer of 2002, Bram Cohen launched the beta version of the Bit Torrent network. It used a different approach in sharing the files. The files shared over the network were first broken down into smaller chunks. These chunk files information is passed on to the other clients with the help of a central server called, Tracker. The tracker retains the information of the client uploading the file. Considering the earlier example, computer 'B' is downloading the file 'ABC'. The Bit Torrent client will now update the tracker about the information of computer 'B'. Now, computer 'C' also starts downloading the same file. But, now he has the ability to download not only from computer 'A' but also from computer 'B'. This is possible even if computer 'B' has not downloaded the complete file; since every file is divided into smaller chunks. This not only reduces the load on computer 'A' in terms of uploading, it also makes downloads faster. Now, if computer 'A' logs off the network, the tracker still has the information of computer 'B' and computer 'C' and they can start transferring the file with each other. So, even with the absence of the main uploader (also known as seed in bit torrent terminology) files can still be downloaded as long as the tracker is up.
Unlike conventional P2P networks, you can't search the Bit Torrent network because of its decentralized nature. The file search is based on ".torrent" file format which contains the necessary information like the file list, single or multiple trackers IP addresses. This file format is sourced from various locations such as web sites, search engines, IRC networks, and all the other means which can be used to transfer files. Due to legal issues, we won t be providing the names of popular torrents sites. But, there are few totally legal ones such as:
www.gameupdates.org
www.linuxtracker.org
There's good news for Bit Torrent Technology that now the film and music industry have started utilizing this technology for the legal distribution of movies and TV shows.
Sourced from Wikipedia
Availability: (also known as distributed copies)
It denotes the number of full copies of the file available to the client. Each seed adds 1.0 to this number, as they have one complete copy of the file. A connected peer with a fraction of the file available adds that fraction to the availability if no other peer has this part of the file. (i.e. a peer with 65.3% of the file downloaded increases the availability by 0.653, when two peers who both have the same 50% of the file downloaded and there is one seeder the availability is 1.5)
Choked:
Describes an uploader to whom the client does not wish to upload. An uploading client 'chokes' another client in several situations:
The second client is a seed, in which case it does not want any pieces (i.e. it is completely uninterested.)
The uploading client is already uploading at its full capacity (ie. the value for max_uploads has been reached.)
Interested:
Describes a downloader who wishes to obtain pieces of a file the client has. For example, the uploading client would flag a downloading client as 'interested' if that client did not possess a piece that it did, and wished to obtain it.
Leech:
A leech is usually a peer who has a negative effect on the swarm by having a very poor share ratio - in other words, downloading much more than they upload. Most leeches are users on asymmetric internet connections who do not leave their BitTorrent client open to seed the file after their download has completed. However, some leeches intentionally avoid uploading by using modified clients or excessively limiting their upload speed. The term leech, however, can be used simply to describe a peer - or any client that does not have 100% of the data.
Peer:
A peer is one instance of a Bit Torrent client running on a computer with the Internet on that you connect to and transfer data. Usually, a peer does not have the complete file, but only parts of it, however, 'peer' can be used to refer to any participant in the swarm (in this case, also known as a 'client.') Note that the "colloquial" definition of peer is anybody, leech or seed, involved in a torrent.
Scrape:
This is when a client sends a request to the tracking server for information about the statistics of the torrent, like who to share the file with and how well those other users are sharing.
Seeder:
A seeder is a peer that has a complete copy of the torrent and still offers it for upload. The more seeders there are, the better the chances are for completion of the file.
Snubbed:
An uploading client is flagged as snubbed if the downloading client has not received any data from it in over 60 seconds.
Superseed:
When a file is new, lot of time can be wasted because the seeding client might send the same file piece to many different peers, while other pieces have not yet been downloaded at all. Some clients, like ABC, Azureus, BitTornado, TorrentStorm, and uTorrent have a "superseed" mode, where they try to only send out pieces that have never been sent out before, making the initial propagation of the file much faster. This is generally used only for a new torrent, or one which must be re-seeded because no other seeds are available.
Swarm:
Together, all peers (including seeders) sharing a torrent are called a swarm. Six ordinary peers and two seeders make a swarm of eight.
Torrent:
A torrent can mean either a .torrent metadata file or all files described by it, depending on the context. The torrent file contains metadata about all the files it makes downloadable, including their names and sizes and checksums of all pieces in the torrent. It also contains the address of a tracker that coordinates communication between the peers in the swarm.
Tracker:
A tracker is a server that keeps track of which seeds and peers are in the swarm. Clients report information to the tracker periodically and in exchange receive information about other clients that they can connect to. The tracker is not directly involved in the data transfer and does not have a copy of the file.
Now, that we have discussed the Bit Torrent in depth; let s check out three of the most popular Bit Torrent clients. Though there are many other clients available, they have been eliminated from the round up due to various issues discussed below.
1) Discontinuation of Development and Support
2) Client is based upon the core technology of other clients (eg. Bit Lord is based on a older Bit Commet Engine)
3) Hybrid Clients (Shareaza, Opera)
Besides, we have included the clients that majority of Bit Torrent users utilize. Few users (Mac OS/Linux users) will be disappointed.
Azureus 2.4.0.2
Azureus is a multiple platform Bit Torrent client that utilizes Java. If your operating system is capable of running the Java Runtime Environment (JRE), then you can run Azureus. However, it can be a resource hog. You will need the JRE runtime along with it. The download links to the client and the runtimes have been provided at the bottom of the page. It is also the oldest existing client of all the three. This once used to be the best Bit Torrent client; now that has changed with the advent of more user friendly clients. But, it is still considered to be a serious contender by many as the best performing Bit Torrent client.
Don't get fooled by the simple looks as it is one of the most configurable clients. It has all advanced settings you can think of. But, then the control panel is extremely clustered with different options and certainly not recommended for a new user.
The functionality of this client can be further enhanced with installation of additional plug ins. The best plug in I found was remote access through HTML web interface.
Pros: Cross Platform client, Feature rich, Allows advanced configuration, Plug ins support, Open source.
Cons: Memory and CPU Intensive, Requires additional JRE runtime to be pre installed, Configuration menu can be confusing to the first time user.
Bit Comet 0.68
This client gained popularity due to easy-to-use feature and really good download speeds. This client was banned for sometime on many trackers as it was cheating the tracker of proper U:D ratio with the help of a third party software. Soon, a newer version was released removing the hack, and soon the client was able to access the trackers. This client is semi-adware type as you can clearly see from the client screenshot. This client is programmed in C++.
uTorrent
Well, many people, by mistake, call it 'U' + 'Torrent'; it is in fact known as Micro Torrent. The name is given so due to being very small in size. Weighing at around 150KB, this is a very resource friendly client, yet it supports all the advanced features such as protocol encryption, peer exchange (DHT), etc. The client is built on user friendliness of Bit Comet and the features of Azureus.
This client is programmed very tightly on C++ and maintains a very small file size. It has features of providing static graph and ability to see which country you are downloading from.
Pros: User Friendly, Small in size, Supports all advanced features, Resource friendly
Cons: None
Well, checking the client for download speeds depends purely on the type of file, availability, tracker reliability, and lot more network related terminology. However, we had tested the every client with the torrent of Prey Demo. You can get the torrent link over here.
The clients were provided 64 Kbps line. The Prey Demo weighs in at around 449 MB. All the clients were able to complete the download in the range of 14-15 hours. I won't be comparing it in terms of minutes or seconds because it makes no logical sense.
However, I will compare it in terms of memory and CPU usage. The following Test Bench was utilized.
Processor: AMD Athlon 64 3200+
Motherboard: MSI K8NGM2-FID
RAM: 512 * 2 DDR 400 Transcent Memory (2.5-3-3-7)
HDD: Segate Barracuda 7200.7 160 GB
Ethernet: Onboard Nvidia 1 GBps Lan Card
The rest of the system won't be necessary to be mentioned here.
Benchmarks
*CTU - CPU Time Utilization
**MU - Memory Utilization
On starting the client with no torrent loaded.
On the torrent link being loaded.
After 10 hours of torrent link being loaded.
The client was still in process of downloading.
The numbers mentioned above can do most of the talking. uTorrent wins in most categories, but it came second in CPU Utilization in the 10 hours load test by 2 seconds.
Conclusion
All the clients had their own advantages and disadvantages. However, I found uTorrent to be the best of all the three. The extremely low resource utilization makes it a clear winner. Those looking forward to work with really advanced features can look up to Azureus. Bit Comet is appealing to those who want the Media Preview feature.
this is for you i hope it will be useful for you also.
http://www.techtree.com/India/Reviews/Comparison_of_Popular_Torrent_Clients/551-74105-609-1.html
In June 1999, a program called Napster was released and it completely revolutionized the internet usage. Napster was the first widely used peer-to-peer (P2P) music sharing service. It enabled the user to share and download audio files directly from other users; with the help synchronization provided by the server. But, it led to massive copyright violations and accusations by the music industry. Soon, Napster was forced to shut down the free service and then later resurrected as a paid model service.
But, Napster laid the foundation for many free file sharing applications such as iMesh, Kazaa, Morpheus, and many more. All these applications took a step further and provided the option of sharing any kind of files such as videos, executables, zips, etc. But, most P2P network technologies had limitations such as download speed, availability, and authenticity of the file.
The moment you start the P2P client, the client indexes the shared files list and sends it to the central server, which is stored as long as the user is connected to it. This indexed file list is used to find information about the availability of the file. Suppose, computer A has a shared file called ABC , this file information will be sent to the server. Now, traditionally when a user will search a particular file, the file name is passed on to the centralized server, which will search the entire indexed files list on the server. Consider, the user who wants to get access to the file ABC is computer B . The server then sends a list back to the computer B containing the information of the user who has the files, which in this case is computer 'A'.
Now, the user can start downloading the file from computer 'A'. This method works perfectly until other user, namely C, starts downloading the file at the same time. Since only computer 'A' has the complete file, computer 'C' will also start downloading from computer 'A' that consequently splits the upload speed of computer 'A' into two parts, which in turn reduces the download speed of computer 'B' and 'C'.
Now, for some reason computer 'A' logs off from the network, with computer 'B' and 'C' having downloaded half way. Only the availability of computer 'A' will allow them to resume their download.
Another problem was the reliability and authenticity of the file. Any user can rename a file and format it to something else, and end up downloading something unwanted. All these problems were foreseen by a skilled programmer "Bram Cohen".
In the summer of 2002, Bram Cohen launched the beta version of the Bit Torrent network. It used a different approach in sharing the files. The files shared over the network were first broken down into smaller chunks. These chunk files information is passed on to the other clients with the help of a central server called, Tracker. The tracker retains the information of the client uploading the file. Considering the earlier example, computer 'B' is downloading the file 'ABC'. The Bit Torrent client will now update the tracker about the information of computer 'B'. Now, computer 'C' also starts downloading the same file. But, now he has the ability to download not only from computer 'A' but also from computer 'B'. This is possible even if computer 'B' has not downloaded the complete file; since every file is divided into smaller chunks. This not only reduces the load on computer 'A' in terms of uploading, it also makes downloads faster. Now, if computer 'A' logs off the network, the tracker still has the information of computer 'B' and computer 'C' and they can start transferring the file with each other. So, even with the absence of the main uploader (also known as seed in bit torrent terminology) files can still be downloaded as long as the tracker is up.
Unlike conventional P2P networks, you can't search the Bit Torrent network because of its decentralized nature. The file search is based on ".torrent" file format which contains the necessary information like the file list, single or multiple trackers IP addresses. This file format is sourced from various locations such as web sites, search engines, IRC networks, and all the other means which can be used to transfer files. Due to legal issues, we won t be providing the names of popular torrents sites. But, there are few totally legal ones such as:
www.gameupdates.org
www.linuxtracker.org
There's good news for Bit Torrent Technology that now the film and music industry have started utilizing this technology for the legal distribution of movies and TV shows.
Sourced from Wikipedia
Availability: (also known as distributed copies)
It denotes the number of full copies of the file available to the client. Each seed adds 1.0 to this number, as they have one complete copy of the file. A connected peer with a fraction of the file available adds that fraction to the availability if no other peer has this part of the file. (i.e. a peer with 65.3% of the file downloaded increases the availability by 0.653, when two peers who both have the same 50% of the file downloaded and there is one seeder the availability is 1.5)
Choked:
Describes an uploader to whom the client does not wish to upload. An uploading client 'chokes' another client in several situations:
The second client is a seed, in which case it does not want any pieces (i.e. it is completely uninterested.)
The uploading client is already uploading at its full capacity (ie. the value for max_uploads has been reached.)
Interested:
Describes a downloader who wishes to obtain pieces of a file the client has. For example, the uploading client would flag a downloading client as 'interested' if that client did not possess a piece that it did, and wished to obtain it.
Leech:
A leech is usually a peer who has a negative effect on the swarm by having a very poor share ratio - in other words, downloading much more than they upload. Most leeches are users on asymmetric internet connections who do not leave their BitTorrent client open to seed the file after their download has completed. However, some leeches intentionally avoid uploading by using modified clients or excessively limiting their upload speed. The term leech, however, can be used simply to describe a peer - or any client that does not have 100% of the data.
Peer:
A peer is one instance of a Bit Torrent client running on a computer with the Internet on that you connect to and transfer data. Usually, a peer does not have the complete file, but only parts of it, however, 'peer' can be used to refer to any participant in the swarm (in this case, also known as a 'client.') Note that the "colloquial" definition of peer is anybody, leech or seed, involved in a torrent.
Scrape:
This is when a client sends a request to the tracking server for information about the statistics of the torrent, like who to share the file with and how well those other users are sharing.
Seeder:
A seeder is a peer that has a complete copy of the torrent and still offers it for upload. The more seeders there are, the better the chances are for completion of the file.
Snubbed:
An uploading client is flagged as snubbed if the downloading client has not received any data from it in over 60 seconds.
Superseed:
When a file is new, lot of time can be wasted because the seeding client might send the same file piece to many different peers, while other pieces have not yet been downloaded at all. Some clients, like ABC, Azureus, BitTornado, TorrentStorm, and uTorrent have a "superseed" mode, where they try to only send out pieces that have never been sent out before, making the initial propagation of the file much faster. This is generally used only for a new torrent, or one which must be re-seeded because no other seeds are available.
Swarm:
Together, all peers (including seeders) sharing a torrent are called a swarm. Six ordinary peers and two seeders make a swarm of eight.
Torrent:
A torrent can mean either a .torrent metadata file or all files described by it, depending on the context. The torrent file contains metadata about all the files it makes downloadable, including their names and sizes and checksums of all pieces in the torrent. It also contains the address of a tracker that coordinates communication between the peers in the swarm.
Tracker:
A tracker is a server that keeps track of which seeds and peers are in the swarm. Clients report information to the tracker periodically and in exchange receive information about other clients that they can connect to. The tracker is not directly involved in the data transfer and does not have a copy of the file.
Now, that we have discussed the Bit Torrent in depth; let s check out three of the most popular Bit Torrent clients. Though there are many other clients available, they have been eliminated from the round up due to various issues discussed below.
1) Discontinuation of Development and Support
2) Client is based upon the core technology of other clients (eg. Bit Lord is based on a older Bit Commet Engine)
3) Hybrid Clients (Shareaza, Opera)
Besides, we have included the clients that majority of Bit Torrent users utilize. Few users (Mac OS/Linux users) will be disappointed.
Azureus 2.4.0.2
Azureus is a multiple platform Bit Torrent client that utilizes Java. If your operating system is capable of running the Java Runtime Environment (JRE), then you can run Azureus. However, it can be a resource hog. You will need the JRE runtime along with it. The download links to the client and the runtimes have been provided at the bottom of the page. It is also the oldest existing client of all the three. This once used to be the best Bit Torrent client; now that has changed with the advent of more user friendly clients. But, it is still considered to be a serious contender by many as the best performing Bit Torrent client.
Don't get fooled by the simple looks as it is one of the most configurable clients. It has all advanced settings you can think of. But, then the control panel is extremely clustered with different options and certainly not recommended for a new user.
The functionality of this client can be further enhanced with installation of additional plug ins. The best plug in I found was remote access through HTML web interface.
Pros: Cross Platform client, Feature rich, Allows advanced configuration, Plug ins support, Open source.
Cons: Memory and CPU Intensive, Requires additional JRE runtime to be pre installed, Configuration menu can be confusing to the first time user.
Bit Comet 0.68
This client gained popularity due to easy-to-use feature and really good download speeds. This client was banned for sometime on many trackers as it was cheating the tracker of proper U:D ratio with the help of a third party software. Soon, a newer version was released removing the hack, and soon the client was able to access the trackers. This client is semi-adware type as you can clearly see from the client screenshot. This client is programmed in C++.
uTorrent
Well, many people, by mistake, call it 'U' + 'Torrent'; it is in fact known as Micro Torrent. The name is given so due to being very small in size. Weighing at around 150KB, this is a very resource friendly client, yet it supports all the advanced features such as protocol encryption, peer exchange (DHT), etc. The client is built on user friendliness of Bit Comet and the features of Azureus.
This client is programmed very tightly on C++ and maintains a very small file size. It has features of providing static graph and ability to see which country you are downloading from.
Pros: User Friendly, Small in size, Supports all advanced features, Resource friendly
Cons: None
Well, checking the client for download speeds depends purely on the type of file, availability, tracker reliability, and lot more network related terminology. However, we had tested the every client with the torrent of Prey Demo. You can get the torrent link over here.
The clients were provided 64 Kbps line. The Prey Demo weighs in at around 449 MB. All the clients were able to complete the download in the range of 14-15 hours. I won't be comparing it in terms of minutes or seconds because it makes no logical sense.
However, I will compare it in terms of memory and CPU usage. The following Test Bench was utilized.
Processor: AMD Athlon 64 3200+
Motherboard: MSI K8NGM2-FID
RAM: 512 * 2 DDR 400 Transcent Memory (2.5-3-3-7)
HDD: Segate Barracuda 7200.7 160 GB
Ethernet: Onboard Nvidia 1 GBps Lan Card
The rest of the system won't be necessary to be mentioned here.
Benchmarks
*CTU - CPU Time Utilization
**MU - Memory Utilization
On starting the client with no torrent loaded.
On the torrent link being loaded.
After 10 hours of torrent link being loaded.
The client was still in process of downloading.
The numbers mentioned above can do most of the talking. uTorrent wins in most categories, but it came second in CPU Utilization in the 10 hours load test by 2 seconds.
Conclusion
All the clients had their own advantages and disadvantages. However, I found uTorrent to be the best of all the three. The extremely low resource utilization makes it a clear winner. Those looking forward to work with really advanced features can look up to Azureus. Bit Comet is appealing to those who want the Media Preview feature.
http://www.mutualfundsindia.com/
hi if you are looking for the mutual funds investment and guide.
then visit here http://www.mutualfundsindia.com/
you can find lot of details here.
then visit here http://www.mutualfundsindia.com/
you can find lot of details here.
started today to answer again
today i have started again to answer in answers.yahoo.com
let me see how much i can earn before evening
let me see how much i can earn before evening
i dont know how to go ahead
i dont know i could not find the ways in my life to continue to get some money and to move ahead with the things. i should have some money to invest and to start with.
i am planning to get more and to do more.
i am planning to get more and to do more.
i dont know how to go ahead
i dont know i could not find the ways in my life to continue to get some money and to move ahead with the things. i should have some money to invest and to start with.
i am planning to get more and to do more.
i am planning to get more and to do more.
suffered in blog template
today i went to edit this template and i got stuck this is really bad. so i restored the old one and again done some changes and i got this back. so dont experiment without knowing anything.
giving me to GuruDheva
yesterday i was thinking that madan what told me how the life he acts accordingly and what he thinks.
he told me that he gave his life to god and he is just enjoying the path set by him. he told me that he knows everything and he knows what he has to give us and not to.
if you give him all and your mind will become free and you can enjoy the path of life without worrying anything.
In dream i was thinking that whether i can give all my things to GuruDheva upon condition to him that everything should go fine. he should make to sustain and enjoy all things what it is happening. i saw the movie kadavul arai en 305.
the god will tell him that Accept the pain which was told by buddha. if you accept the pain you will learn more according to suitavation.
So i could not decide what to do. whether i have to give full control to my GUruDheva to control all my life for one year to set right all. i am going to put condition to him that he should make to work to clear all my loans and what are all money to whom i have to give i should clear then i should live happliy with my parents.
i should buy or bulit a very big house in chennai, i should have lot of money, i should take my parents to all divayadesam in this country as well as abroad. i should take them to Abroad and they should see all. my feelings is that i should become one of top multimillionre in this world. Most of the persons should know me. i should help to the people.
i dont know but my inner mind or i dont know outer mind is telling me that dont give your full control to GuruDheva. why i dont know it is saying like that whether it is showing the ego. I am saying and thinking that GuruDheva is GOd to me and he will not leave me at any point of time . i a sure in that one.
So i have decided to give me full to him and tell him to take care me and he should show me the path to clear all my loans within 2-3 months from today. he should solve to separate Anu from me and she should not give disturbance to Vanitha family. I could not continue with anu since she is not human being and she is having lot of selfishness in her life. she always thinks and told me that she does not like to get advice and no one should advice her.
if some one does that thing she will get angry and she will fight to anyone. To overcome all these problems and i am planning to become saint in my mind from today. my first target is to clear all my loans. To solve all these problems GuruDheva should come and he should stand in all place to save me. So i have decided to give me full to him and one more thing is that he cant do bad for me since i am going to indepth again trusting him he will not leave me i know that he will give me lot of money and other things.
so for this sake from today i will not bite my nails i will not do any bad things. i will concentrate only on my work only. so i have decided and i am going to do this today before sleeping night. he will give me the memory to do so at night.
i have started to give him step by steps from yesterday night and i am doing ok. these are the points which is from my side.
1. i should think and act twice before doing.
2. i should be very bold.
3. everyone is telling me that i am lying they should not they should tell to others that ia m telling the truth only.
4. Everyone should love me and they should show the care to me.
5. my mind should be like saint and i should look all the things in a single view.
6. my investment should be perfect and i should get lot of money and i should clear all my loans within 2 months.
7. i should get rid of anu and i should live peacefully.
8. lot of temples and tours i should do.
9. i should have a very big home
10.Lot of money i should have and i have to do perfect investeme.
11.Lot of people i should contact and they also feel that i am very important person.
12.i will ask.
he told me that he gave his life to god and he is just enjoying the path set by him. he told me that he knows everything and he knows what he has to give us and not to.
if you give him all and your mind will become free and you can enjoy the path of life without worrying anything.
In dream i was thinking that whether i can give all my things to GuruDheva upon condition to him that everything should go fine. he should make to sustain and enjoy all things what it is happening. i saw the movie kadavul arai en 305.
the god will tell him that Accept the pain which was told by buddha. if you accept the pain you will learn more according to suitavation.
So i could not decide what to do. whether i have to give full control to my GUruDheva to control all my life for one year to set right all. i am going to put condition to him that he should make to work to clear all my loans and what are all money to whom i have to give i should clear then i should live happliy with my parents.
i should buy or bulit a very big house in chennai, i should have lot of money, i should take my parents to all divayadesam in this country as well as abroad. i should take them to Abroad and they should see all. my feelings is that i should become one of top multimillionre in this world. Most of the persons should know me. i should help to the people.
i dont know but my inner mind or i dont know outer mind is telling me that dont give your full control to GuruDheva. why i dont know it is saying like that whether it is showing the ego. I am saying and thinking that GuruDheva is GOd to me and he will not leave me at any point of time . i a sure in that one.
So i have decided to give me full to him and tell him to take care me and he should show me the path to clear all my loans within 2-3 months from today. he should solve to separate Anu from me and she should not give disturbance to Vanitha family. I could not continue with anu since she is not human being and she is having lot of selfishness in her life. she always thinks and told me that she does not like to get advice and no one should advice her.
if some one does that thing she will get angry and she will fight to anyone. To overcome all these problems and i am planning to become saint in my mind from today. my first target is to clear all my loans. To solve all these problems GuruDheva should come and he should stand in all place to save me. So i have decided to give me full to him and one more thing is that he cant do bad for me since i am going to indepth again trusting him he will not leave me i know that he will give me lot of money and other things.
so for this sake from today i will not bite my nails i will not do any bad things. i will concentrate only on my work only. so i have decided and i am going to do this today before sleeping night. he will give me the memory to do so at night.
i have started to give him step by steps from yesterday night and i am doing ok. these are the points which is from my side.
1. i should think and act twice before doing.
2. i should be very bold.
3. everyone is telling me that i am lying they should not they should tell to others that ia m telling the truth only.
4. Everyone should love me and they should show the care to me.
5. my mind should be like saint and i should look all the things in a single view.
6. my investment should be perfect and i should get lot of money and i should clear all my loans within 2 months.
7. i should get rid of anu and i should live peacefully.
8. lot of temples and tours i should do.
9. i should have a very big home
10.Lot of money i should have and i have to do perfect investeme.
11.Lot of people i should contact and they also feel that i am very important person.
12.i will ask.
Monday, May 5, 2008
My Target for yahoo answers
i want to score atleast 2000 points before end of this month in yahoo answers and to be top contributer in answers
Today i have crossed 1000 points in yahoo answers
Hi
today i have crossed 1000 points in yahoo answers.
really thanks to GuruDheva who made to me acheive this one for me.
today i have crossed 1000 points in yahoo answers.
really thanks to GuruDheva who made to me acheive this one for me.
how to get certification really good one
http://certcities.com/editorial/Tips/story.asp?EditorialsID=21
i have read this one i have posted this for you to read.
My Top 10 Tips for Passing the CISSP Exam
How exactly should you go about tackling this monster six-hour exam? CISSP James Michael Stewart offers his suggestions.
by James Michael Stewart
9/25/2002 -- The highly respected Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP) title is achieved by passing one very broad 250-question, six-hour exam. While I didn't find the exam extremely difficult in terms of content (I consider it a mid-level security exam), it is a challenging test to take.
Unlike other security certifications that test your ability to implement and maintain a security infrastructure, the CISSP certifies your knowledge and understanding of security-related issues, such as physical security, business management practices, technological security controls, cryptography and cyber crime laws. There's not much within the CISSP exam objectives that can be learned from hands-on computer/networking experience. In fact, most of the objectives can be learned by anyone who has the time to read the appropriate study material (however, the organization that runs the CISSP, ISC(2), requires candidates to have three years of documented security experience to earn the certification).
With all the study material you'll need to cover, it definitely takes a good deal of time to properly prepare for the CISSP. And no matter how well you know the material, you'll feel like you got run over by a steamroller when you walk out of the examination room. But if you are responsible for maintaining security in your organization, this is an excellent exam to expand your certification base and improve your understanding of a security infrastructure.
Before I present my top 10 tips, I need to warn you: These tips are a bit different than that standard fair found on CertCities.com. Many of the tips discuss test-taking skills. The CISSP is a broad exam, yet fairly balanced in its coverage of security topics; therefore, my best overall advice content-wise is to know pretty much everything. But success on the CISSP exam is as much about being able to take tests effectively as it is about understanding the content. To that end, here are my top 10 tips for passing this exam.
Tip #1: Know the 10 Domains
The CISSP exam covers a wide range of information from the common body of knowledge (CBK). The CBK is the vast expanse of knowledge and information available out there in the world about security and related issues. To narrow the field a bit, the CISSP exam focuses on 10 domains from the CBK. These domains are:
Access Control Systems & Methodology
Telecommunications & Network Security
Security Management Practices
Applications & Systems Development Security
Cryptography
Security Architecture & Models
Operations Security
Business Continuity Planning & Disaster Recovery Planning
Law, Investigations & Ethics
Physical Security
You'll need to know several dozen specific items, topics, keywords and concepts from each domain. These are clearly outlined in the objective list provided by (ISC)2 on the document they call a study guide (get it at https://www.isc2.org/cgi-bin/request_studyguide.cgi). There's a lot of overap between the domains, but keep in mind the general "flavor" or "feeling" of each domain so you'll understand the aspect, perspective or application of duplicated topics.
Tip #2: Remember the 10 Domains
When you are taking the exam, think about which of the 10 domains each question falls into. Often, if you can determine the domain the question is focusing on, you can quickly eliminate one or two answers as being incorrect. Or it may highlight the correct answer between two or more possible answers. A topic in one domain will have a different twist than the same topic in another domain, so being familiar with the domains and being able to recognize the domain focus of question will benefit you on the exam.
You'll also see a lot of discussion about the CIA triad. If there is any one topic that is common throughout the CISSP CBK, it is the CIA triad. The CIA triad is the three primary security principles: confidentiality, integrity, and accessibility. In some way, every security mechanism, control or issue must address one or more of these three principles. While learning about the specifics within each domain, keep in mind how each relates to the CIA triad. You'll find many questions on the exam can be answered quickly if you are aware of the relationship between the security topic, issue, concept, control, or whatever mentioned in the question and the CIA triad.
Tip #3: Know How To Take a Test
I remember learning the skills of test taking back when I took the SAT. I'm amazed that the skills I learned for that simple exam are still applicable today.
All of the questions on this exam are single-answer, multiple-choice questions with four answer selections. Because wrong answers don't substract from your score, it's in your best interest to answer every question -- even if you guess blindy, you'll have a 25 percent chance of selecting the correct answer. However, you can usually improve those odds with a bit of clear thinking. First, read the question once and think of a valid answer in your head without looking at the answer selection. If you can't think of an answer, read the question again before looking at the four answer selections. Theneliminate at least one of the answer selections as being incorrect.
Keep in mind that the goal is to select the most correct answer. There are many questions with two or three correct answer selections, but only one is the most correct. Being most correct may mean most complete or most specific or most direct to the question asked. If you can't figure out the best answer, eliminate all answers that are definitely wrong, then make a guess. If you can eliminate one selection, then you have a 33 percent chance of guessing the correct answer. If you can eliminate two selections, then you have 50 percent chance of guessing the correct answer.
Tip #4: Take Your Time, but Don't Waste Time
Time management is a crucial part of completing at the CISSP exam. With 250 questions to be answered in six hours, you have just under 90 seconds per question. Some questions will take you 10 seconds to read and answer, while other will take you 5 minutes or more to realize that you really don't have a clue what it is asking.
I suggest bring a watch to keep track of your progress. As a good rule of thumb, you should be at question 50 at the one hour mark, question 100 at two hours, etc. This will leave you an hour at the end of the time period to review and check your work.
Because this is a paper test (yep, you'll need a number #2 pencil!), don't waste time pondering each question as you go along -- you can go back. If you can't answer a question after reading it twice, move on. You'll use your time better by the easy questions first. Once you've reached the end of the exam, return to those questions you skipped.
I always set aside the last 15 minutes for a last-ditch guessing scramble. If you are unable to make educated and thoughtful selections for every question within 5 hours and 45 minutes, then your best efforts will be spent verifying that you've filled in all the bubbles. This means returning to all unanswered questions, reading them one last time and taking your best guess. Remember, a 25 percent chance of getting a question correct is always better than none (i.e., not filling in a bubble).
Tip #5: Read, Read and Then Read Some More
There is lots and lots (and lots and lots) of information to know for the CISSP exam. The objective list contains nearly 800 items. Yikes! Some of these are little more than keywords or concepts to be familiar with, while others are large and complex topics that require extensive understanding. There are several study guides available for the CISSP exam. Some are good, some are very poor, and some are excellent. Get the opinions of your peers and other experts by checking out the book reviews at various online storefronts and by visiting the popular CISSP groups study sites (such as http://www.cccure.org/ and http://www.us.cisspworld.com/).
Don't stick with just one study guide either. The CBK for CISSP is very broad and the objectives list from (ISC)2 is fairly general. No one book that I've seen adequately covers all topics. Plus, some readers will need more discussion on some topics and less on others. I suggest grabbing at least three different CISSP study guides to give you several perspectives on each topic.
There are also lots of great online resources of security information, both specific to CISSP and in general. If you run across a topic from the objectives that you just don't understand or grasp, perform an Internet search and read everything you can find. Remember, the CISSP is a test about real-world security environments, and it's not limited to a specific vendor, platform, solution, or product; therefore, there is no single authoritative source of information.
By the way, if you're one of those people who wait until the week before your exam to start studying, forget about the CISSP now. You'll just be wasting your time and your money. You need a month or more of weekends and evenings to adequately prepare yourself. If you don't believe me, think about how long will take you to read two or three thick study books, do online research to dehaze confusing issues, and answer a few thousand practice exam questions.
Tip #6: Take Practice Exams
The only way to know if you are ready for the real CISSP exam is to practice. There are lots of practice exams available for the CISSP exam -- online, in books, etc. Find and take every practice exam you can get your hands on.
Not all practice exams are created equal. Some are excellent practice exams which mimic the CISSP exam almost exactly, some are much more difficult and will stretch your skills and understanding, and some are extremely poor. As you learn more within the CISSP CBK, you'll be able to recognize good practice exams from poor ones. Plus, follow the guidance of your peers on CISSP discussion forums. They will praise good resources and flame bad ones.
Tip #7: Don't Screw Up
I mentioned earlier that the exam is still given in written form. Take extreme care and caution in marking your answers! I've heard horror stories of a student who skipped a question early on but didn't realize he forgot to leave the answer line blank for that question, then as the proctor asked for everyone to put all pencils down he realized all of his answers for the rest of the exam were off by one.
Don't let this happen to you. Here is my plan of attack to manage this:
First, whenever I select an answer, I circle it in the test booklet. (You can write anything you want in the test booklet - only the scantron is graded). Next, I read the question number and double check that I'm reading the correct question number (dyslexia is contagious when taking written exams!). I then mark the selected answer bubble (A, B, C, or D) on the scantron by the correct question number. Finally, I double check that the numbers match. If they do, I move on to the next question.
Yes, this seems like a lot of work, but it only takes about three seconds per question and it nearly guarantees that you won't screw up and mark the wrong line on the answer sheet.
Tip #8: Mark the Questions You Skip
Use the test booklet to your full advantage. In addition to circling the answer for each question, you should also use the test booklet to mark questions you are uncertain about or want to skip. On the front cover I make two columns, one for skipped and one for unsure. As I work through the exam, if I can't answer a question after a second read through, I write its number on the front cover of the test booklet under the skipped column and then move on to the next question. (This is why the three-step question number verification process from the previous is so important!)
If I can't select the best answer from two or three of the selections, I take my best guess, fill in the answer sheet, then write its number down in the unsure column. I'll come back and review these guesses if I have time at the end of the exam. If not, again a guess is always better than a blank -- at least you'll have a chance of getting it right.
Keep in mind that due to the large number of questions on the exam, it is very likely that the text of a question or even an answer selection later in the exam will shed light on a question you skipped earlier or were unsure about. Using an exam against itself is a sign of a skillful test taker. The only way you can take advantage of this internal referencing bonus is to mark those questions you need to review or have skipped. Otherwise, you'll be re-reading just about every question trying to find that one that mentioned that thing about that other thing...
Once I reach the end of the exam and if I still have time left and I'm not brain dead, I review the questions in the skipped column first. Once every question has an answer, I review any question that I guess at. I continue to review guesses until I am satisfied that I've made my best effort, I can't think straight any longer, or time has expired.
Tip #9: Take a Break
Remember that the test is six hours long! I can't sit for six hours straight, and I doubt you can either. So plan to take breaks during the exam. In fact, plan on taking several of them. Bring snacks and drinks. Bring a small cooler if you want. Plan on standing up and walking around at least 5 minutes every hour. Stretching and getting your blood flowing will keep you focused on the exam and not on your numb gluteus maximus. Grab some fruit, a power bar, fruit juice, water, or whatever. If you are already a caffeine addict, go for it, otherwise stay off the heavy stuff or you'll get jittery by the end of the ordeal. You'll be allowed to walk around a bit in the testing room if you don't make noise or distract the others. An remember, only one person at a time will be allowed to leave the testing room to access the restrooms or take a smoke break, so plan accordingly.
Tip #10: Listen to Your Parents
Six hours is a long time to do anything enjoyable. Six hours is sheer torture when taking an intense certification exam. The best thing you can do for yourself, in addition to studying sufficiently for weeks before the exam, is to get a great night of sleep and eat a good breakfast. I made the mistake of only getting three hours of sleep and skipping breakfast, and half-way into the it I felt like I was running a marathon. Take my word for it: You'll have greater success and be able to maintain a clear head if you sleep rather than study the night before the exam.
Well, those are my tips. I look forward to hearing yours once you've taken the exam (please post them below). For more information about the CISSP exam, visit the (ISC)2 Web site at http://www.isc2.org.
i have read this one i have posted this for you to read.
My Top 10 Tips for Passing the CISSP Exam
How exactly should you go about tackling this monster six-hour exam? CISSP James Michael Stewart offers his suggestions.
by James Michael Stewart
9/25/2002 -- The highly respected Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP) title is achieved by passing one very broad 250-question, six-hour exam. While I didn't find the exam extremely difficult in terms of content (I consider it a mid-level security exam), it is a challenging test to take.
Unlike other security certifications that test your ability to implement and maintain a security infrastructure, the CISSP certifies your knowledge and understanding of security-related issues, such as physical security, business management practices, technological security controls, cryptography and cyber crime laws. There's not much within the CISSP exam objectives that can be learned from hands-on computer/networking experience. In fact, most of the objectives can be learned by anyone who has the time to read the appropriate study material (however, the organization that runs the CISSP, ISC(2), requires candidates to have three years of documented security experience to earn the certification).
With all the study material you'll need to cover, it definitely takes a good deal of time to properly prepare for the CISSP. And no matter how well you know the material, you'll feel like you got run over by a steamroller when you walk out of the examination room. But if you are responsible for maintaining security in your organization, this is an excellent exam to expand your certification base and improve your understanding of a security infrastructure.
Before I present my top 10 tips, I need to warn you: These tips are a bit different than that standard fair found on CertCities.com. Many of the tips discuss test-taking skills. The CISSP is a broad exam, yet fairly balanced in its coverage of security topics; therefore, my best overall advice content-wise is to know pretty much everything. But success on the CISSP exam is as much about being able to take tests effectively as it is about understanding the content. To that end, here are my top 10 tips for passing this exam.
Tip #1: Know the 10 Domains
The CISSP exam covers a wide range of information from the common body of knowledge (CBK). The CBK is the vast expanse of knowledge and information available out there in the world about security and related issues. To narrow the field a bit, the CISSP exam focuses on 10 domains from the CBK. These domains are:
Access Control Systems & Methodology
Telecommunications & Network Security
Security Management Practices
Applications & Systems Development Security
Cryptography
Security Architecture & Models
Operations Security
Business Continuity Planning & Disaster Recovery Planning
Law, Investigations & Ethics
Physical Security
You'll need to know several dozen specific items, topics, keywords and concepts from each domain. These are clearly outlined in the objective list provided by (ISC)2 on the document they call a study guide (get it at https://www.isc2.org/cgi-bin/request_studyguide.cgi). There's a lot of overap between the domains, but keep in mind the general "flavor" or "feeling" of each domain so you'll understand the aspect, perspective or application of duplicated topics.
Tip #2: Remember the 10 Domains
When you are taking the exam, think about which of the 10 domains each question falls into. Often, if you can determine the domain the question is focusing on, you can quickly eliminate one or two answers as being incorrect. Or it may highlight the correct answer between two or more possible answers. A topic in one domain will have a different twist than the same topic in another domain, so being familiar with the domains and being able to recognize the domain focus of question will benefit you on the exam.
You'll also see a lot of discussion about the CIA triad. If there is any one topic that is common throughout the CISSP CBK, it is the CIA triad. The CIA triad is the three primary security principles: confidentiality, integrity, and accessibility. In some way, every security mechanism, control or issue must address one or more of these three principles. While learning about the specifics within each domain, keep in mind how each relates to the CIA triad. You'll find many questions on the exam can be answered quickly if you are aware of the relationship between the security topic, issue, concept, control, or whatever mentioned in the question and the CIA triad.
Tip #3: Know How To Take a Test
I remember learning the skills of test taking back when I took the SAT. I'm amazed that the skills I learned for that simple exam are still applicable today.
All of the questions on this exam are single-answer, multiple-choice questions with four answer selections. Because wrong answers don't substract from your score, it's in your best interest to answer every question -- even if you guess blindy, you'll have a 25 percent chance of selecting the correct answer. However, you can usually improve those odds with a bit of clear thinking. First, read the question once and think of a valid answer in your head without looking at the answer selection. If you can't think of an answer, read the question again before looking at the four answer selections. Theneliminate at least one of the answer selections as being incorrect.
Keep in mind that the goal is to select the most correct answer. There are many questions with two or three correct answer selections, but only one is the most correct. Being most correct may mean most complete or most specific or most direct to the question asked. If you can't figure out the best answer, eliminate all answers that are definitely wrong, then make a guess. If you can eliminate one selection, then you have a 33 percent chance of guessing the correct answer. If you can eliminate two selections, then you have 50 percent chance of guessing the correct answer.
Tip #4: Take Your Time, but Don't Waste Time
Time management is a crucial part of completing at the CISSP exam. With 250 questions to be answered in six hours, you have just under 90 seconds per question. Some questions will take you 10 seconds to read and answer, while other will take you 5 minutes or more to realize that you really don't have a clue what it is asking.
I suggest bring a watch to keep track of your progress. As a good rule of thumb, you should be at question 50 at the one hour mark, question 100 at two hours, etc. This will leave you an hour at the end of the time period to review and check your work.
Because this is a paper test (yep, you'll need a number #2 pencil!), don't waste time pondering each question as you go along -- you can go back. If you can't answer a question after reading it twice, move on. You'll use your time better by the easy questions first. Once you've reached the end of the exam, return to those questions you skipped.
I always set aside the last 15 minutes for a last-ditch guessing scramble. If you are unable to make educated and thoughtful selections for every question within 5 hours and 45 minutes, then your best efforts will be spent verifying that you've filled in all the bubbles. This means returning to all unanswered questions, reading them one last time and taking your best guess. Remember, a 25 percent chance of getting a question correct is always better than none (i.e., not filling in a bubble).
Tip #5: Read, Read and Then Read Some More
There is lots and lots (and lots and lots) of information to know for the CISSP exam. The objective list contains nearly 800 items. Yikes! Some of these are little more than keywords or concepts to be familiar with, while others are large and complex topics that require extensive understanding. There are several study guides available for the CISSP exam. Some are good, some are very poor, and some are excellent. Get the opinions of your peers and other experts by checking out the book reviews at various online storefronts and by visiting the popular CISSP groups study sites (such as http://www.cccure.org/ and http://www.us.cisspworld.com/).
Don't stick with just one study guide either. The CBK for CISSP is very broad and the objectives list from (ISC)2 is fairly general. No one book that I've seen adequately covers all topics. Plus, some readers will need more discussion on some topics and less on others. I suggest grabbing at least three different CISSP study guides to give you several perspectives on each topic.
There are also lots of great online resources of security information, both specific to CISSP and in general. If you run across a topic from the objectives that you just don't understand or grasp, perform an Internet search and read everything you can find. Remember, the CISSP is a test about real-world security environments, and it's not limited to a specific vendor, platform, solution, or product; therefore, there is no single authoritative source of information.
By the way, if you're one of those people who wait until the week before your exam to start studying, forget about the CISSP now. You'll just be wasting your time and your money. You need a month or more of weekends and evenings to adequately prepare yourself. If you don't believe me, think about how long will take you to read two or three thick study books, do online research to dehaze confusing issues, and answer a few thousand practice exam questions.
Tip #6: Take Practice Exams
The only way to know if you are ready for the real CISSP exam is to practice. There are lots of practice exams available for the CISSP exam -- online, in books, etc. Find and take every practice exam you can get your hands on.
Not all practice exams are created equal. Some are excellent practice exams which mimic the CISSP exam almost exactly, some are much more difficult and will stretch your skills and understanding, and some are extremely poor. As you learn more within the CISSP CBK, you'll be able to recognize good practice exams from poor ones. Plus, follow the guidance of your peers on CISSP discussion forums. They will praise good resources and flame bad ones.
Tip #7: Don't Screw Up
I mentioned earlier that the exam is still given in written form. Take extreme care and caution in marking your answers! I've heard horror stories of a student who skipped a question early on but didn't realize he forgot to leave the answer line blank for that question, then as the proctor asked for everyone to put all pencils down he realized all of his answers for the rest of the exam were off by one.
Don't let this happen to you. Here is my plan of attack to manage this:
First, whenever I select an answer, I circle it in the test booklet. (You can write anything you want in the test booklet - only the scantron is graded). Next, I read the question number and double check that I'm reading the correct question number (dyslexia is contagious when taking written exams!). I then mark the selected answer bubble (A, B, C, or D) on the scantron by the correct question number. Finally, I double check that the numbers match. If they do, I move on to the next question.
Yes, this seems like a lot of work, but it only takes about three seconds per question and it nearly guarantees that you won't screw up and mark the wrong line on the answer sheet.
Tip #8: Mark the Questions You Skip
Use the test booklet to your full advantage. In addition to circling the answer for each question, you should also use the test booklet to mark questions you are uncertain about or want to skip. On the front cover I make two columns, one for skipped and one for unsure. As I work through the exam, if I can't answer a question after a second read through, I write its number on the front cover of the test booklet under the skipped column and then move on to the next question. (This is why the three-step question number verification process from the previous is so important!)
If I can't select the best answer from two or three of the selections, I take my best guess, fill in the answer sheet, then write its number down in the unsure column. I'll come back and review these guesses if I have time at the end of the exam. If not, again a guess is always better than a blank -- at least you'll have a chance of getting it right.
Keep in mind that due to the large number of questions on the exam, it is very likely that the text of a question or even an answer selection later in the exam will shed light on a question you skipped earlier or were unsure about. Using an exam against itself is a sign of a skillful test taker. The only way you can take advantage of this internal referencing bonus is to mark those questions you need to review or have skipped. Otherwise, you'll be re-reading just about every question trying to find that one that mentioned that thing about that other thing...
Once I reach the end of the exam and if I still have time left and I'm not brain dead, I review the questions in the skipped column first. Once every question has an answer, I review any question that I guess at. I continue to review guesses until I am satisfied that I've made my best effort, I can't think straight any longer, or time has expired.
Tip #9: Take a Break
Remember that the test is six hours long! I can't sit for six hours straight, and I doubt you can either. So plan to take breaks during the exam. In fact, plan on taking several of them. Bring snacks and drinks. Bring a small cooler if you want. Plan on standing up and walking around at least 5 minutes every hour. Stretching and getting your blood flowing will keep you focused on the exam and not on your numb gluteus maximus. Grab some fruit, a power bar, fruit juice, water, or whatever. If you are already a caffeine addict, go for it, otherwise stay off the heavy stuff or you'll get jittery by the end of the ordeal. You'll be allowed to walk around a bit in the testing room if you don't make noise or distract the others. An remember, only one person at a time will be allowed to leave the testing room to access the restrooms or take a smoke break, so plan accordingly.
Tip #10: Listen to Your Parents
Six hours is a long time to do anything enjoyable. Six hours is sheer torture when taking an intense certification exam. The best thing you can do for yourself, in addition to studying sufficiently for weeks before the exam, is to get a great night of sleep and eat a good breakfast. I made the mistake of only getting three hours of sleep and skipping breakfast, and half-way into the it I felt like I was running a marathon. Take my word for it: You'll have greater success and be able to maintain a clear head if you sleep rather than study the night before the exam.
Well, those are my tips. I look forward to hearing yours once you've taken the exam (please post them below). For more information about the CISSP exam, visit the (ISC)2 Web site at http://www.isc2.org.
one more link in security certification
http://certification.about.com/od/securitycerts/a/seccertessentls.htm
check the link it is useful for certification
check the link it is useful for certification
security certifications
Hi
if you are planning to do security certification
please visit the link below really good one you can find
http://netsecurity.about.com/od/cissp/ISC2_CISSP_Certified_Information_Systems_Security_Professional.htm
if you are planning to do security certification
please visit the link below really good one you can find
http://netsecurity.about.com/od/cissp/ISC2_CISSP_Certified_Information_Systems_Security_Professional.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
Sri Ramanujam
Really an outstanding indian legend who is emperor in Maths.
GO and read the link you will find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
Really an outstanding indian legend who is emperor in Maths.
GO and read the link you will find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
Sri Ramanujam
Really an outstanding indian legend who is emperor in Maths.
GO and read the link you will find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
Really an outstanding indian legend who is emperor in Maths.
GO and read the link you will find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramanujan
Garfield
hi i love garfield character. from today i will post all the garfield characters which i come across.
Clever Boyfriend...!!! ;)
Gud one!!
A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a
beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring
priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he
said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his
special stock from the safe." Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?" "I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank
would want to make sure that everything is in
order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and
I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning a very irritated jeweler phones the man." You lied
there's no money in that account."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I know, but You CANT imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had????"
A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a
beautiful young lady on his side.
"I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.
The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding ring
priced at $4500.
"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he
said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his
special stock from the safe." Here's one stunning ring at $33000."
The girls' eyes sparkled, and the young man said that he would take it.
"How are you paying?" "I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank
would want to make sure that everything is in
order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank Monday and
I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".
Monday morning a very irritated jeweler phones the man." You lied
there's no money in that account."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I know, but You CANT imagine what a Fantastic WEEKEND I had????"
Top Ten Mistakes in Web Design
I went and read about the top ten mistakes in web design
i have posted the link below and i have copied the message for you for further reading.
http://www.useit.com/alertbox/9605.html
Top Ten Mistakes in Web DesignSummary: The ten most egregious offenses against users. Web design disasters and HTML horrors are legion, though many usability atrocities are less common than they used to be. Since my first attempt in 1996, I have compiled many top-10 lists of the biggest mistakes in Web design. See links to all these lists at the bottom of this article. This article presents the highlights: the very worst mistakes of Web design. (Updated 2007.)
1. Bad SearchOverly literal search engines reduce usability in that they're unable to handle typos, plurals, hyphens, and other variants of the query terms. Such search engines are particularly difficult for elderly users, but they hurt everybody. A related problem is when search engines prioritize results purely on the basis of how many query terms they contain, rather than on each document's importance. Much better if your search engine calls out "best bets" at the top of the list -- especially for important queries, such as the names of your products.
Search is the user's lifeline when navigation fails. Even though advanced search can sometimes help, simple search usually works best, and search should be presented as a simple box, since that's what users are looking for.
2. PDF Files for Online ReadingUsers hate coming across a PDF file while browsing, because it breaks their flow. Even simple things like printing or saving documents are difficult because standard browser commands don't work. Layouts are often optimized for a sheet of paper, which rarely matches the size of the user's browser window. Bye-bye smooth scrolling. Hello tiny fonts. Worst of all, PDF is an undifferentiated blob of content that's hard to navigate.
PDF is great for printing and for distributing manuals and other big documents that need to be printed. Reserve it for this purpose and convert any information that needs to be browsed or read on the screen into real web pages.
> Detailed discussion of why PDF is bad for online reading
3. Not Changing the Color of Visited LinksA good grasp of past navigation helps you understand your current location, since it's the culmination of your journey. Knowing your past and present locations in turn makes it easier to decide where to go next. Links are a key factor in this navigation process. Users can exclude links that proved fruitless in their earlier visits. Conversely, they might revisit links they found helpful in the past. Most important, knowing which pages they've already visited frees users from unintentionally revisiting the same pages over and over again.
These benefits only accrue under one important assumption: that users can tell the difference between visited and unvisited links because the site shows them in different colors. When visited links don't change color, users exhibit more navigational disorientation in usability testing and unintentionally revisit the same pages repeatedly.
> Usability implications of changing link colors > Guidelines for showing links
4. Non-Scannable TextA wall of text is deadly for an interactive experience. Intimidating. Boring. Painful to read. Write for online, not print. To draw users into the text and support scannability, use well-documented tricks:
subheads bulleted lists highlighted keywords short paragraphs the inverted pyramid a simple writing style, and de-fluffed language devoid of marketese. > Eyetracking of reading patterns
5. Fixed Font SizeCSS style sheets unfortunately give websites the power to disable a Web browser's "change font size" button and specify a fixed font size. About 95% of the time, this fixed size is tiny, reducing readability significantly for most people over the age of 40. Respect the user's preferences and let them resize text as needed. Also, specify font sizes in relative terms -- not as an absolute number of pixels.
6. Page Titles With Low Search Engine VisibilitySearch is the most important way users discover websites. Search is also one of the most important ways users find their way around individual websites. The humble page title is your main tool to attract new visitors from search listings and to help your existing users to locate the specific pages that they need. The page title is contained within the HTML tag and is almost always used as the clickable headline for listings on search engine result pages (SERP). Search engines typically show the first 66 characters or so of the title, so it's truly microcontent.
Page titles are also used as the default entry in the Favorites when users bookmark a site. For your homepage, begin the with the company name, followed by a brief description of the site. Don't start with words like "The" or "Welcome to" unless you want to be alphabetized under "T" or "W."
For other pages than the homepage, start the title with a few of the most salient information-carrying words that describe the specifics of what users will find on that page. Since the page title is used as the window title in the browser, it's also used as the label for that window in the taskbar under Windows, meaning that advanced users will move between multiple windows under the guidance of the first one or two words of each page title. If all your page titles start with the same words, you have severely reduced usability for your multi-windowing users.
Taglines on homepages are a related subject: they also need to be short and quickly communicate the purpose of the site.
7. Anything That Looks Like an AdvertisementSelective attention is very powerful, and Web users have learned to stop paying attention to any ads that get in the way of their goal-driven navigation. (The main exception being text-only search-engine ads.) Unfortunately, users also ignore legitimate design elements that look like prevalent forms of advertising. After all, when you ignore something, you don't study it in detail to find out what it is.
Therefore, it is best to avoid any designs that look like advertisements. The exact implications of this guideline will vary with new forms of ads; currently follow these rules:
banner blindness means that users never fixate their eyes on anything that looks like a banner ad due to shape or position on the page animation avoidance makes users ignore areas with blinking or flashing text or other aggressive animations pop-up purges mean that users close pop-up windoids before they have even fully rendered; sometimes with great viciousness (a sort of getting-back-at-GeoCities triumph). 8. Violating Design ConventionsConsistency is one of the most powerful usability principles: when things always behave the same, users don't have to worry about what will happen. Instead, they know what will happen based on earlier experience. Every time you release an apple over Sir Isaac Newton, it will drop on his head. That's good. The more users' expectations prove right, the more they will feel in control of the system and the more they will like it. And the more the system breaks users' expectations, the more they will feel insecure. Oops, maybe if I let go of this apple, it will turn into a tomato and jump a mile into the sky.
Jakob's Law of the Web User Experience states that "users spend most of their time on other websites."
This means that they form their expectations for your site based on what's commonly done on most other sites. If you deviate, your site will be harder to use and users will leave.
9. Opening New Browser WindowsOpening up new browser windows is like a vacuum cleaner sales person who starts a visit by emptying an ash tray on the customer's carpet. Don't pollute my screen with any more windows, thanks (particularly since current operating systems have miserable window management). Designers open new browser windows on the theory that it keeps users on their site. But even disregarding the user-hostile message implied in taking over the user's machine, the strategy is self-defeating since it disables the Back button which is the normal way users return to previous sites. Users often don't notice that a new window has opened, especially if they are using a small monitor where the windows are maximized to fill up the screen. So a user who tries to return to the origin will be confused by a grayed out Back button.
Links that don't behave as expected undermine users' understanding of their own system. A link should be a simple hypertext reference that replaces the current page with new content. Users hate unwarranted pop-up windows. When they want the destination to appear in a new page, they can use their browser's "open in new window" command -- assuming, of course, that the link is not a piece of code that interferes with the browser’s standard behavior.
10. Not Answering Users' QuestionsUsers are highly goal-driven on the Web. They visit sites because there's something they want to accomplish -- maybe even buy your product. The ultimate failure of a website is to fail to provide the information users are looking for. Sometimes the answer is simply not there and you lose the sale because users have to assume that your product or service doesn't meet their needs if you don't tell them the specifics. Other times the specifics are buried under a thick layer of marketese and bland slogans. Since users don't have time to read everything, such hidden info might almost as well not be there.
The worst example of not answering users' questions is to avoid listing the price of products and services. No B2C ecommerce site would make this mistake, but it's rife in B2B, where most "enterprise solutions" are presented so that you can't tell whether they are suited for 100 people or 100,000 people. Price is the most specific piece of info customers use to understand the nature of an offering, and not providing it makes people feel lost and reduces their understanding of a product line. We have miles of videotape of users asking "Where's the price?" while tearing their hair out.
Even B2C sites often make the associated mistake of forgetting prices in product lists, such as category pages or search results. Knowing the price is key in both situations; it lets users differentiate among products and click through to the most relevant ones.
i have posted the link below and i have copied the message for you for further reading.
http://www.useit.com/alertbox/9605.html
Top Ten Mistakes in Web DesignSummary: The ten most egregious offenses against users. Web design disasters and HTML horrors are legion, though many usability atrocities are less common than they used to be. Since my first attempt in 1996, I have compiled many top-10 lists of the biggest mistakes in Web design. See links to all these lists at the bottom of this article. This article presents the highlights: the very worst mistakes of Web design. (Updated 2007.)
1. Bad SearchOverly literal search engines reduce usability in that they're unable to handle typos, plurals, hyphens, and other variants of the query terms. Such search engines are particularly difficult for elderly users, but they hurt everybody. A related problem is when search engines prioritize results purely on the basis of how many query terms they contain, rather than on each document's importance. Much better if your search engine calls out "best bets" at the top of the list -- especially for important queries, such as the names of your products.
Search is the user's lifeline when navigation fails. Even though advanced search can sometimes help, simple search usually works best, and search should be presented as a simple box, since that's what users are looking for.
2. PDF Files for Online ReadingUsers hate coming across a PDF file while browsing, because it breaks their flow. Even simple things like printing or saving documents are difficult because standard browser commands don't work. Layouts are often optimized for a sheet of paper, which rarely matches the size of the user's browser window. Bye-bye smooth scrolling. Hello tiny fonts. Worst of all, PDF is an undifferentiated blob of content that's hard to navigate.
PDF is great for printing and for distributing manuals and other big documents that need to be printed. Reserve it for this purpose and convert any information that needs to be browsed or read on the screen into real web pages.
> Detailed discussion of why PDF is bad for online reading
3. Not Changing the Color of Visited LinksA good grasp of past navigation helps you understand your current location, since it's the culmination of your journey. Knowing your past and present locations in turn makes it easier to decide where to go next. Links are a key factor in this navigation process. Users can exclude links that proved fruitless in their earlier visits. Conversely, they might revisit links they found helpful in the past. Most important, knowing which pages they've already visited frees users from unintentionally revisiting the same pages over and over again.
These benefits only accrue under one important assumption: that users can tell the difference between visited and unvisited links because the site shows them in different colors. When visited links don't change color, users exhibit more navigational disorientation in usability testing and unintentionally revisit the same pages repeatedly.
> Usability implications of changing link colors > Guidelines for showing links
4. Non-Scannable TextA wall of text is deadly for an interactive experience. Intimidating. Boring. Painful to read. Write for online, not print. To draw users into the text and support scannability, use well-documented tricks:
subheads bulleted lists highlighted keywords short paragraphs the inverted pyramid a simple writing style, and de-fluffed language devoid of marketese. > Eyetracking of reading patterns
5. Fixed Font SizeCSS style sheets unfortunately give websites the power to disable a Web browser's "change font size" button and specify a fixed font size. About 95% of the time, this fixed size is tiny, reducing readability significantly for most people over the age of 40. Respect the user's preferences and let them resize text as needed. Also, specify font sizes in relative terms -- not as an absolute number of pixels.
6. Page Titles With Low Search Engine VisibilitySearch is the most important way users discover websites. Search is also one of the most important ways users find their way around individual websites. The humble page title is your main tool to attract new visitors from search listings and to help your existing users to locate the specific pages that they need. The page title is contained within the HTML tag and is almost always used as the clickable headline for listings on search engine result pages (SERP). Search engines typically show the first 66 characters or so of the title, so it's truly microcontent.
Page titles are also used as the default entry in the Favorites when users bookmark a site. For your homepage, begin the with the company name, followed by a brief description of the site. Don't start with words like "The" or "Welcome to" unless you want to be alphabetized under "T" or "W."
For other pages than the homepage, start the title with a few of the most salient information-carrying words that describe the specifics of what users will find on that page. Since the page title is used as the window title in the browser, it's also used as the label for that window in the taskbar under Windows, meaning that advanced users will move between multiple windows under the guidance of the first one or two words of each page title. If all your page titles start with the same words, you have severely reduced usability for your multi-windowing users.
Taglines on homepages are a related subject: they also need to be short and quickly communicate the purpose of the site.
7. Anything That Looks Like an AdvertisementSelective attention is very powerful, and Web users have learned to stop paying attention to any ads that get in the way of their goal-driven navigation. (The main exception being text-only search-engine ads.) Unfortunately, users also ignore legitimate design elements that look like prevalent forms of advertising. After all, when you ignore something, you don't study it in detail to find out what it is.
Therefore, it is best to avoid any designs that look like advertisements. The exact implications of this guideline will vary with new forms of ads; currently follow these rules:
banner blindness means that users never fixate their eyes on anything that looks like a banner ad due to shape or position on the page animation avoidance makes users ignore areas with blinking or flashing text or other aggressive animations pop-up purges mean that users close pop-up windoids before they have even fully rendered; sometimes with great viciousness (a sort of getting-back-at-GeoCities triumph). 8. Violating Design ConventionsConsistency is one of the most powerful usability principles: when things always behave the same, users don't have to worry about what will happen. Instead, they know what will happen based on earlier experience. Every time you release an apple over Sir Isaac Newton, it will drop on his head. That's good. The more users' expectations prove right, the more they will feel in control of the system and the more they will like it. And the more the system breaks users' expectations, the more they will feel insecure. Oops, maybe if I let go of this apple, it will turn into a tomato and jump a mile into the sky.
Jakob's Law of the Web User Experience states that "users spend most of their time on other websites."
This means that they form their expectations for your site based on what's commonly done on most other sites. If you deviate, your site will be harder to use and users will leave.
9. Opening New Browser WindowsOpening up new browser windows is like a vacuum cleaner sales person who starts a visit by emptying an ash tray on the customer's carpet. Don't pollute my screen with any more windows, thanks (particularly since current operating systems have miserable window management). Designers open new browser windows on the theory that it keeps users on their site. But even disregarding the user-hostile message implied in taking over the user's machine, the strategy is self-defeating since it disables the Back button which is the normal way users return to previous sites. Users often don't notice that a new window has opened, especially if they are using a small monitor where the windows are maximized to fill up the screen. So a user who tries to return to the origin will be confused by a grayed out Back button.
Links that don't behave as expected undermine users' understanding of their own system. A link should be a simple hypertext reference that replaces the current page with new content. Users hate unwarranted pop-up windows. When they want the destination to appear in a new page, they can use their browser's "open in new window" command -- assuming, of course, that the link is not a piece of code that interferes with the browser’s standard behavior.
10. Not Answering Users' QuestionsUsers are highly goal-driven on the Web. They visit sites because there's something they want to accomplish -- maybe even buy your product. The ultimate failure of a website is to fail to provide the information users are looking for. Sometimes the answer is simply not there and you lose the sale because users have to assume that your product or service doesn't meet their needs if you don't tell them the specifics. Other times the specifics are buried under a thick layer of marketese and bland slogans. Since users don't have time to read everything, such hidden info might almost as well not be there.
The worst example of not answering users' questions is to avoid listing the price of products and services. No B2C ecommerce site would make this mistake, but it's rife in B2B, where most "enterprise solutions" are presented so that you can't tell whether they are suited for 100 people or 100,000 people. Price is the most specific piece of info customers use to understand the nature of an offering, and not providing it makes people feel lost and reduces their understanding of a product line. We have miles of videotape of users asking "Where's the price?" while tearing their hair out.
Even B2C sites often make the associated mistake of forgetting prices in product lists, such as category pages or search results. Knowing the price is key in both situations; it lets users differentiate among products and click through to the most relevant ones.
learn more
we should learn more in this life. every one thinks in this world that i have learnt and i am doing good. but the real fact is that we should learn more in this world.
i will tell you with one story. one day a wood cutter went to forest and his job is to cut more tree and send to king palace. one day king visited the jungle and he saw the wood cutter and he asked why he is not cutting the trees and he is sharping the axe? he replied that if you want to cut the tree your axe should be sharp since i am daily cutting the tree the sharpness in the axe is getting destoryed and i should put more effort to cut the trees. so i if i sharp the axe weekly once i can put the same effect to cut the trees in future also. Like that we are thinking that the knowledge what we acuried is quite ok and we are continiouing the job. But one day like that Axe we will stuck in the tree. to avoid that we should update our knowledge daily or weekly basis so it will be useful for us to over come all problems. so read more and aquire knowlege.
i will tell you with one story. one day a wood cutter went to forest and his job is to cut more tree and send to king palace. one day king visited the jungle and he saw the wood cutter and he asked why he is not cutting the trees and he is sharping the axe? he replied that if you want to cut the tree your axe should be sharp since i am daily cutting the tree the sharpness in the axe is getting destoryed and i should put more effort to cut the trees. so i if i sharp the axe weekly once i can put the same effect to cut the trees in future also. Like that we are thinking that the knowledge what we acuried is quite ok and we are continiouing the job. But one day like that Axe we will stuck in the tree. to avoid that we should update our knowledge daily or weekly basis so it will be useful for us to over come all problems. so read more and aquire knowlege.
18 Features Windows Should Have (but Doesn't)
really a useful one article what are all the feature that should windows should have but it is not having for that what we can download and what we can do.
i have posted the link below please go and visit it is really useful one.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,145118-page,5-c,windows/article.html
i have posted the link below please go and visit it is really useful one.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,145118-page,5-c,windows/article.html
101 Fantastic Freebies
Hi
i went to read this one. it is really useful one for us .
i have posted the link below to you.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,143642/article.html
i went to read this one. it is really useful one for us .
i have posted the link below to you.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,143642/article.html
shame on our indian cricket
we should really shame on that ..
the player who was banned in indian cricket to play for the country who was complaint against match fixing was giving commentry for the IPL cricket. This is relly bad for us. we dont know where india is heading ?
the player who was banned in indian cricket to play for the country who was complaint against match fixing was giving commentry for the IPL cricket. This is relly bad for us. we dont know where india is heading ?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Leadership: Seven Personal Characteristics Of A Good Leader
hi i went to one site and read about the characteristics of a good leader Leadership: Seven Personal Characteristics Of A Good Leader
How often have you heard the comment, “He or she is a born leader?” There are certain characteristics found in some people that seem to naturally put them in a position where they’re looked up to as a leader.
Whether in fact a person is born a leader or develops skills and abilities to become a leader is open for debate. There are some clear characteristics that are found in good leaders. These qualities can be developed or may be naturally part of their personality. Let us explore them further.
SEVEN PERSONAL QUALITIES FOUND IN A GOOD LEADER
1. A good leader has an exemplary character. It is of utmost importance that a leader is trustworthy to lead others. A leader needs to be trusted and be known to live their life with honestly and integrity. A good leader “walks the talk” and in doing so earns the right to have responsibility for others. True authority is born from respect for the good character and trustworthiness of the person who leads.
2. A good leader is enthusiastic about their work or cause and also about their role as leader. People will respond more openly to a person of passion and dedication. Leaders need to be able to be a source of inspiration, and be a motivator towards the required action or cause. Although the responsibilities and roles of a leader may be different, the leader needs to be seen to be part of the team working towards the goal. This kind of leader will not be afraid to roll up their sleeves and get dirty.
3. A good leader is confident. In order to lead and set direction a leader needs to appear confident as a person and in the leadership role. Such a person inspires confidence in others and draws out the trust and best efforts of the team to complete the task well. A leader who conveys confidence towards the proposed objective inspires the best effort from team members.
4. A leader also needs to function in an orderly and purposeful manner in situations of uncertainty. People look to the leader during times of uncertainty and unfamiliarity and find reassurance and security when the leader portrays confidence and a positive demeanor.
5. Good leaders are tolerant of ambiguity and remain calm, composed and steadfast to the main purpose. Storms, emotions, and crises come and go and a good leader takes these as part of the journey and keeps a cool head.
6. A good leader, as well as keeping the main goal in focus, is able to think analytically. Not only does a good leader view a situation as a whole, but is able to break it down into sub parts for closer inspection. While keeping the goal in view, a good leader can break it down into manageable steps and make progress towards it.
7. A good leader is committed to excellence. Second best does not lead to success. The good leader not only maintains high standards, but also is proactive in raising the bar in order to achieve excellence in all areas.
These seven personal characteristics are foundational to good leadership. Some characteristics may be more naturally present in the personality of a leader. However, each of these characteristics can also be developed and strengthened. A good leader whether they naturally possess these qualities or not, will be diligent to consistently develop and strengthen them in their leadership role.
Barbara White President of Beyond Better Development has over twenty years experience in leadership. Beyond Better Development works with organizations who want their leaders to develop towards their potential and stay on the cutting edge. More about Leadership Development
Leadership: Ten Characteristics of Leadership
Many people are interested in the characteristics of a great leader. There are many lists of these traits. These are quotes taken from an article by Bill George former chairman and CEO of Medtronic. According to him the most important trait is to be yourself!
1. Authenticity “After years of studying leaders and their traits, I believe that leadership begins and ends with authenticity.”
2. Desire to Serve Others “Authentic leaders genuinely desire to serve others through their leadership.”
3. Empowering People “They are more interested in empowering the people they lead to make a difference than they are in power, money, or prestige for themselves.”
4. Guided by Heart, passion and compassion “They are as guided by qualities of the heart, by passion, and compassion, as they are by qualities of the mind.”
5. Recognize their shortcomings “Authentic leaders use their natural abilities, but they also recognize their shortcomings and work hard to overcome them.”
6. Lead with Purpose “They lead with purpose, meaning and values.”
7. Build Enduring Relationships “They build enduring relationships with people.”
8. Clear Where They Stand “Others follow them because they know where they stand.”
9. Refuse to Compromise “When principles are tested, they refuse to compromise.”
10. Develop Themselves “Authentic leaders are dedicated to developing themselves because they know that becoming a leader takes a lifetime of personal growth.”
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ஸ்ரீ இராம நாம மந்திர மகிமை 🌷 1. நமக்கு நன்மை வரவேண்டுமானால் 'ராம நாமத்தை இடைவிடாமல் கூறவேண்டும். நமது ஒவ்வொரு மூச்சும் 'ராம் '...
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http://podian.blogspot.com/ One of the Good blog in Tamil so you can read current news also.
